The Truth About Female Competition #WCW

Beyonce-v-RihannaSS.jpg

 I had a tightly knit group of girlfriends in high school — we called ourselves the Pink Ladies. (Which is quite humorous now, considering black is mantra) As the commanding squad in our little galaxy, we felt like superior beings; a unit when out and about for events in matching handmade jackets. (yeah. seriously) . Time went by and all of my classmates and I watched as life reached down to form us, shapeless little teens,  into haves and have-nots of adulthood.

This algorithm is experienced by all girls, everywhere. Women compete, compare, and play chess with one another — at least that is the usual notion of our interactions. Society views it as peculiar,  or at least worthy of taking note, that famous women like Jennifer Lawrence, Beyonce and Amy Poehlr, even acknowledge the talent of other women, and often work with other women, without drama ensuing. Making them into feminist super-heroes. Shouldn't this just be the norm? For a lot of women, harboring timidness or intimidation around others is a natural occurrence. Want to know what? It's EXHAUSTING AND UNNECESSARY.  Who created these rules of pitting ourselves against one another to get what we want? 

Tonight I've been researching this question, the core of female competition.  A review I found posted in 2013 said that females express indirect aggression toward other women, and that aggression is a combination of “self-promotion,” making themselves look more attractive, and “derogation of rivals,” being catty about other women.

A couple years ago, after going through a breakup,  and having decided to go out and be social again,  I started going to a  few open mic poetry sessions, taking in some music shows at favorite local hotspot, and meeting other creatives.  A super open and sweet girl I would see out and about wrote a poem about me. It was simple really:

She walks into a room, 

You don't know whether to love her, 

or to hate her,  

or want to be her.

but I'm just thankful that I know her. 

Why do we automatically want to hate someone, though? It's this silent competition, I don't think any of us remember signing up for. It's one that none of us can ever win. There's always going to be someone more successful, more beautiful, smarter, funnier... the list goes on. So here's a couple things to remember in order for us to battle this demon we've created for ourselves:

  • Women who feel more confident within themselves are less vulnerable to feeling threatened by, or threatening to, their female friends in the face of success.
  • Good fortune, happiness and success can be used to help others and as a source of inspiration.

I am so thankful for all of the bad-ass women I know that constantly inspire me to be better. To be a better person, to work harder, love harder. This post goes out to all my #WCW  Happy Wednesday. 

xx, Jessica 

Jessica HumerickComment